Star-crossed lovers, written in the stars, starstruck—turning to the heavens for matters of the heart is nothing new.
Humans have depended on astrology for thousands of years. Sure, we might not use it to predict crop yields anymore. But fast forward to the 21st century, and astrology is more personalized than ever. Plus, you don’t need to spend hours poring over maps and tinkering with tools. It’s 2021—there’s an app for everything, astrology included.
One such astrology app leaving everyone starry-eyed is The Pattern.
Breaking Down The Pattern
Lisa Donovan (of @LisaNova Youtube spoofer fame) created The Pattern after a friend connected her to a European astrologer. “I had this reading, and it blew my mind because it was a psychological breakdown of who I was,” the app’s creator told Vanity Fair earlier this year.
Donovan set off to create what Apple’s app store described as “the most accurate and in-depth personality app” on the market. The Pattern helps you “better understand yourself and others,” enabling you to make much deeper connections.
The Pattern follows the, er, pattern of a lot of other new-wave astrology apps. Every day, the app sends its users a custom update with details about one’s inner self, relationships and the world at large.
In addition to daily updates, The Pattern provides insights into various personality traits. “Your Timing” is a detailed breakdown of emotional cycles you may be experiencing at any point in time—past, present and future.
“World Timing” highlights various cycles that could be affecting all of us at once. The app uses this information to predict platonic and romantic bonds between you and other in-app users, famous figures or custom profiles.
Astrology For Believers And Non-Believers
The Pattern’s algorithm is based on astrology. But instead of telling you that you’re testy because your Mars is in Aries, the app uses easy-to-understand language.
The app does the heavy lifting for you, turning an in-depth analysis into a digestible, layman’s emotional forecast. And when I say these forecasts are accurate, I’m talking read-you-to-filth accurate.
A Scarily Accurate, Empathetic Breath Of Fresh Air
“The Pattern is one of the best in mass-scale personalization tools out there,” the app’s chief growth officer Alan Fund told Vanity Fair. “[The Pattern] is known for being scarily accurate. Scarily is the most-used word.”
One such spooked user was Channing Tatum, who took to the internet to demand answers. “How do you know what you know about me, Pattern? You need to DM me right now and tell me how you know this stuff,” the dumbfounded Magic Mike star asked in a 2019 Instagram video.
He isn’t alone, either. The Bachelor’s Colton Underwood and Cassie Randolph spoke to Vulture in 2019 about the app, with Underwood calling it “creepily accurate.” “I think it listens to you,” Randolph added, half-joking.
The Twitterverse is just as shocked at the app’s eerily accurate readings. “Brb just balling [sp] my eyes out because the pattern app just read me to absolute filth,” said one Twitter user. “Literally feels like I just spoke to a very accurate psychic.”
Brb just balling my eyes out because the pattern app just read me to absolute filth. Literally feels like I just spoke to a very accurate psychic…I don’t understand how this stuff works… how could it possibly be so detailed and so accurate???— RAVEN ELYSE (@RavenElyseTV) September 11, 2020
Cutting Through The Clutter Of Online Dating
After perfecting individual readings over the last several years, The Pattern has moved on to another astrological hotspot: romance.
“Connect” is The Pattern’s new beta dating feature. At first, Donovan was hesitant to make the leap into online dating. “The way astrology is divisive, so is dating,” she told Vanity Fair. “And this, to me, is an app for everybody.”
The app’s new dating feature grants other users access to “Your Pattern,” “Your Timing” and “World Timing.” As you swipe through profiles, Connect determines the type of bond you might have with another user.
Bonds come in six forms: Soulmate, Extraordinary, Powerful, Meaningful, Complex, Delicate or Challenging. A $14.99 quarterly “Go Deeper” subscription lets users run unlimited bonds per day.
Additionally, users can pay for “Super Connects” to pre-run a bond with the idea of signaling “Soulmate Status.” Think of it as a Super Like on Tinder, except it’s based on more than a steamy beach pic.
You can sign up for their waiting list to be the first to know when it comes to your area. And honestly, it’s well worth the wait.
Connecting On A Deeper Level
Like all things astrology, you can take the app’s Connect feature as lightly or seriously as you prefer. Use your predictions as an ice-breaker with a stranger, or avoid red flags by choosing not to pursue less than desirable bonds.
The Pattern says mine and my husband’s friendship is “chill,” and our romance is “meaningful.” The app also told me that my friendship with Rihanna would be “epic,” both of which I will happily accept. So far, The Pattern is two for two.
Connect offers users insight into the deeper aspects of compatibility. Are your goals aligned? What’s the level of attraction? What potential friction could this relationship hold? Do you have karmic connections in a past life? Humans are far more complicated than just their sun sign. Connect breaks down relationship fundamentals before you get tied up in a six-month text-lationship that leads nowhere.
And even if love isn’t what you’re looking for on The Pattern, who doesn’t want to figure out if they’d be BFFs with Rihanna?! (Call me anytime, Ri Ri—I’m ready to start our epic friendship whenever you are.)