Girls Star Zosia Mamet: “I Nearly Died” From An Eating Disorder
Zosia Mamet is opening up for the first time about the eating disorder that nearly killed her.
The “Girls” star reveals in the September issue of Glamour that she has been struggling with the disease ever since she was a child.
“I was told I was fat for the first time when I was eight,” she writes in her monthly column for the magazine. “I’m not fat; I’ve never been fat. But ever since then, there has been a monster in my brain that tells me I am — that convinces me my clothes don’t fit or that I’ve eaten too much.”
She notes, “At times it has forced me to starve myself, to run extra miles, to abuse my body.”
“As a teenager I used to stand in front of the refrigerator late at night staring into that white fluorescent light, debilitated by the war raging inside me: whether to give in to the pitted hunger in my stomach or close the door and go back to bed,” she explains.
“I would stand there for hours, opening and closing the door, taking out a piece of food then putting it back in; taking it out, putting it in my mouth, and then spitting it into the garbage. I was only 17, living in misery, waiting to die,” she adds.
Mamet says her father, legendary playwright David Mamet, was the one who eventually got her into treatment.
“He came home one night from a party, took me by the shoulders, and said, ‘You’re not allowed to die,'” she recalled. “It was the first time I realized this wasn’t all about me. I didn’t care if I died, but my family did. That’s the thing about these kinds of disorders: They’re consuming; they make you egocentric; they’re all you can see.”
Mamet notes she “can’t talk about all of this without bringing up the world we live in.”
“Our culture delivers a real one-two punch: You want to control something, and then society says, ‘Hey, how about controlling the way you look? Skinny is beautiful,'” she explains. “Your obsession feels justified. It’s no secret that we live in a country with a warped view of beauty. ‘Skinny’ sells us everything, from vacations to underwear, effectively.”
Mamet writes that she considers herself an “addict in recovery.”
“Today I’m at a healthy weight, though I realize that my obsession will always be with me in some way,” she says. “For years the voice inside me has gotten louder or quieter at times.”
Mamet admits, “It may never disappear completely, but hopefully one day it’ll be so quiet, it’ll only be a whisper and I’ll wonder, ‘Was that just the wind?’”
What do you think of Mamet openly discussing her eating order?