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Twit Happens

  • Tom Arnold

    Tom Arnold

    No matter how adorable it is do not laugh hysterically the first time your baby poops in the tub cause then it apparently becomes his thing.

  • Alyssa Milano

    Alyssa Milano

    I've been reading your kind tweets all day with tears in my eyes. Thank you for understanding and supporting my decision. ☺

  • Lena Dunham

    Lena Dunham

    Pepe Le Pew is the Robin Thicke of cartoon animals.

  • Zach Braff

    Zach Braff

    Hurt my back shaking it off. Thanks, haters.

  • heather

    heather

    I know we're going thru a drought...but sometimes it just sucks when all u want to do is take a bath

  • Britney Spears

    Britney Spears

    Happy sweet 16 to 'Baby One More Time'! Where did the time go!? Thx to my fans for supporting me since my 1st single #Happy16thBirthdayBOMT

  • octavia spencer

    octavia spencer

    Quickly becoming agoraphobic #EbolaIntheUS

  • Conan O'Brien

    Conan O'Brien

    I like to go to Whole Foods, put organic stickers on conventional produce, then sit back and watch the fireworks.

  • Lena Dunham

    Lena Dunham

    I'm not a businesswoman. I'm a business, woman. So let me do my business, k?

  • ROBERT KARDASHIAN

    ROBERT KARDASHIAN

    Sunday Shout out bill Murray for just doing what u do

  • Sarah Michelle

    Sarah Michelle

    Time to eat Grandma. Time to eat, Grandma. Commas save lives.

  • Evan Rachel Wood

    Evan Rachel Wood

    Ok. I cant wait any longer. Halloween decorations come out of storage today!!

  • David Spade

    David Spade

    Uh oh. Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Angelina are all heading to Italy. You know what that means.. a new Planet Hollywood opening! Alright!

  • Bill Clinton

    Bill Clinton

    A storybook ending for a storied career. Congrats Derek Jeter, and welcome to retirement!

  • Nicole Polizzi

    Nicole Polizzi

    Thank you to all the outpouring love you guys are sending my growing family! We are so happy & can't believe we have two kids! 😳❤️❤️💙💗

  • AshleyTisdaleFrench

    AshleyTisdaleFrench

    Love when I'm sick with a cold but still want to sing along with the radio I just stay in the baritone

  • christine teigen

    christine teigen

    Adam Sandler's vacation days are his movies. Seriously that dude reads lines with friends in exotic locations. Dream life.

  • Lena Dunham

    Lena Dunham

    My mother and sister are eating whitefish salad in the car. So yes, this is a suicide note.

  • Alicia Keys

    Alicia Keys

    My friend @tyrabanks must be up to something w/all this Twitter mystery! Blk posts, countdowns... what's she plottin on??? *suspicious* ;-)

  • Ellen DeGeneres

    Ellen DeGeneres

    Look! My roommate's on Twitter! @PortiadeRossi

  • Sarah Hyland

    Sarah Hyland

    When you wake up on your girlfriend's couch and realize you fell asleep not from drinking too much but from watching too many YouTube videos

  • Sarah Hyland

    Sarah Hyland

    I just took a tour of Walt Disney's house in a pair of @LouboutinWorld shoes. Pinch me so I can wake up. Wait. Don't pinch me.

  • jimmy fallon

    jimmy fallon

    Kanye is teaching an LA college class as punishment for a run-in with paparazzi. The students said "Why are WE being punished?” #fallonmono

  • Ellen DeGeneres

    Ellen DeGeneres

    Happy New Year to all of my Jewish friends! You’re more than my friends. You’re also my writers.

  • KATY PERRY

    KATY PERRY

    It's weird having a cold when it's 90 degrees out 🙍

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