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Twit Happens

  • Brandi Glanville

    Brandi Glanville

    I think I may just have met my future ex husband at bed bath and beyond

  • christine teigen

    christine teigen

    I would pay 1,000 dollars per episode to see the same people from Nickelodeon Guts climb the same agro crag 20 years later

  • christine teigen

    christine teigen

    One of my biggest peeves: when random ass men tell me to "smile"

  • christina applegate

    christina applegate

    Just got a notification that @FallonTonight started following me. So I looked behind me. I'm feeling creeped out. He's everywhere

  • Jennette McCurdy

    Jennette McCurdy

    they need to have a law on how many ice cream samples you can try because these places are really losing sales from people like me

  • Andi Dorfman

    Andi Dorfman

    Why do men have to grunt so loud at the gym? #itsonly40pounds #noisepollution

  • Demi Lovato

    Demi Lovato

    In the studio recording a hit... Mark my words!!! It's AMAZING!!!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

  • Will Arnettโ„ข

    Will Arnettโ„ข

    My diet is practically 80% gluten free #BallSoHard

  • Tom Arnold

    Tom Arnold

    Is it an odd combination of pathetic weakness and massive strength that gets me all the way downstairs to the fridge at 3 a.m. every night.

  • Evan Rachel Wood

    Evan Rachel Wood

    I thought the Ninja Turtles were supposed to be "teenage" Why are they on steroids??

  • christine teigen

    christine teigen

    The penises people tweet me are always the worst penises

  • Jessica Biel

    Jessica Biel

    Iโ€™d much rather mix business with pleather.

  • Stephen Colbert

    Stephen Colbert

    Can't believe it's already Stage 16 of this year's Tour de France and there still hasn't been a single goal scored.

  • Nicole Richie

    Nicole Richie

    I am the perfect person to chaperone a party... I can smell vodka from a mile away.

  • Kelly Clarkson

    Kelly Clarkson

    Lady says to me "Oh I recognize your name. You were on that show American Idol. What are you doing now?" Hahahaha!! #wherearetheynow :)

  • Larry King

    Larry King

    My sons are going to sports camps until school starts Aug. 16th. When I went to school, it always started after Labor Day. Times change!

  • Alyssa Milano

    Alyssa Milano

    I can't even pretend to understand what's happening in the Middle East right now. It all just hurts my heart.

  • Ed Sheeran

    Ed Sheeran

    It's never too early for toblerone

  • Seth MacFarlane

    Seth MacFarlane

    Dabney Coleman is the only Dabney I can think of.

  • Conan O'Brien

    Conan O'Brien

    Not sure Iโ€™m on board with the idea of โ€œ6 Californias.โ€ But I am very interested in the idea of 35 Rhode Islands.

  • Sky Ferreira

    Sky Ferreira

    must.not.swallow.blow pop.gum.

  • Stephen Colbert

    Stephen Colbert

    Are animals intelligent? Sure! I let my monkey type my tweets and he does a great (PLEASE HELP ME ESCAPE) job!

  • Carson Daly

    Carson Daly

    Epic half court shot Ricardo!!!! 50 grand on live tv! Our family was pulling for you! #KidsChoiceSports

  • Alyssa Milano

    Alyssa Milano

    The world is crazy.

  • Me. I Am Mariah

    Me. I Am Mariah

    My prayers and sincere condolences to the families of those lost aboard #MH17 ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜” R.I.P.

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