True Tori Recap: Dean McDermott Reveals He Was Suicidal After Affair Confession
The second episode of the new docu-series began days before son Liam’s 7th birthday, forcing Spelling to contemplate whether to allow McDermott, currently in rehab, to attend.
“At the end of the day, I have to do what’s right for my children, and I see how much they miss him,” she told the camera, saying she “feels the pressure” of wanting to make Liam happy.
Spelling even felt that Liam “blamed” her for McDermott’s absence from the home as she “basically [raised] four kids alone,” and opened up to her therapist about the cheating scandal. “It’s like what I always thought would happen, so now it’s just confirmed,” said the star of her husband’s two-day fling.
Noting that people believe she got what she deserved since their relationship was born from infidelity, Spelling admitted, “When I hear people say that, it makes me feel really bad. Maybe they’re right.” Spelling later met with some of her pals, addressing rumors that McDermott showed cheating partner Emily Goodhand their sex tape.
The actress didn’t know whether to believe his insistence that he didn’t, or believe the “Chopped Canada” host’s protestations that he was ready to come home and be a changed man. “I honestly want to try,” Spelling told her friends of working through their issues. “I didn’t stop loving him.”
At a joint therapy session, McDermott went in for an awkward hug, and told his wife she looked “beautiful.” McDermott confessed he was nervous to hear Spelling’s true feelings, saying “I’m so full of self-loathing to begin with. And now I did what I did… Inside I feel like a rotten, twisted tree and all the leaves are dead off it.” Spelling said that made her want to “protect him,” and not “send him spiraling” by “showing him how angry I am.”
It was then revealed that McDermott had had a breakdown in their doctor’s office in the aftermath of his affair, and as they waited for EMTs to arrive that day, he became fixated on a crack in the window and how easy it would be to break and jump out. “I had gone down the rabbit hole, and the only way out was to leave this Earth,” he admitted.
That said, McDermott swore to both God and on his mother’s grave that he was capable of avoiding another meltdown even if Spelling was brutally honest with her emotions.
He went on to tell the camera, “I just thought, Tori deserves me to die,” but insisted that his life now “means something” to him as he’s “surrounded by love and support.” “For the longest time I didn’t deserve it,” McDermott said through tears, adding that now, “I know I don’t deserve to die. I deserve to live.”
Filming was temporarily halted due to McDermott’s suicide revelations, which had caught the therapist off-guard because she and Spelling hadn’t expected him to reveal that on camera, and the producers had no idea about it previously. Spelling worried McDermott felt forced into revealing the secret, but he explained that he wanted to.
“I feel like I can’t see how it would hurt me in any way. I was broken, babe,” McDermott told her, and Spelling broke down as she recalled his breakdown to him from her viewpoint.
“You can’t understand what I went through that day. Someone cheating on you, it’s nothing in the whole perspective. Hearing your husband is going to take his life that night — you have to understand, that’s something that I didn’t think had to be discussed or talked about. Because it’s so scary,” she cried.
Spelling asked her producer whether McDermott’s admission would affect his career, and the producer said the issue actually meant they had to stop production, meet with the legal team, and make sure the actor was truly stable to participate in filming.
A psychologist ultimately determined that McDermott could handle it, and Spelling respected her husband’s decision to get so intensely personal on camera. She then decided to allow McDermott to return home, saying, “This is the first step, and I know I have to do it.”
On his way to their residence for the first time in three months, the star admitted he was “nervous” but also clearly happy to be a “free man.” All four children were ecstatic upon his arrival, and McDermott and Spelling shared a quick kiss in front of them.
“Seeing Dean walk in and the kids’ faces light up, it was huge for me,” she told the camera, confessing that part of her was “really happy, too,” but also “scared” to see if she could handle it. With the kids out of the room, McDermott wondered about sleeping arrangements.
“I understand what I’ve done, and I understand there might be some adverse reactions to me physically being in the same bed with you,” he told Spelling, who suggested he stay in a separate room. McDermott told the camera that her hesitation was hurtful, but he let it go.
At Liam’s party the next day, the couple put up a united front, as McDermott faced Spelling’s friends for the first time since he cheated. One pal told McDermott he was “disappointed” by his behavior, but the star insisted, “I love her so much,” and was open to advice on to fix their relationship.
Hours later, with all the guests gone, Spelling said she couldn’t say she “had fun,” due to all that was in her head, but her day was made because Liam was happy with the party and happy to have his father there. “That’s what he’s been wanting the whole time, you back,” she told McDermott. He replied, “You’re beautiful. You are… I forgot one other thing, I love you.”
Spelling simply nodded, and told the camera, “As a mom, having Dean home and having him with the kids today, especially with Liam on his birthday, that means a lot to me. That means everything to me.
“On the other hand, I can’t forget what happened, and the resentment and the anger takes over,” she went on. “I don’t know if love’s enough. Maybe love doesn’t always win. I don’t know anymore.”