(Funny Or Die)

A few years ago, Natalie Portman played against her nice girl image by rapping on “Saturday Night Live.”

Now, Rachel Bilson is taking things up a notch.

In her new Funny Or Die video “Call Me Doctor,” Bilson name checks Portman – along with her former “O.C.” co-star Mischa Barton – while parodying her new “Hart of Dixie” character and generally acting like a badass.

Her “Hart of Dixie” colleagues Wilson Bethel and Scott Porter also appear.

Check out the video below!

WARNING: There are a few dirty words.

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WATCH:

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Mischa Barton has a new gig: shop owner.

Gossip Cop looked into recent reports that suggested the actress may be opening her own clothing store in London… and can confirm it’s true!

While Barton’s rep tells Gossip Cop the details of the actress’ new business haven’t been finalized, a plan to open a store next year is indeed in the works.

“The O.C.” star, who previously collaborated with designers on lines of handbags and headbands, is actually from England, but was primarily raised in the United States.

What do you think of Barton’s new business venture?

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Brandon Davis was arrested for battery and drug possession last night in Hollywood after allegedly erratic behavior led to violence.

The oil heir and ex of Mischa Barton allegedly punched comic Ben Gleib in the face at the Roosevelt Hotel, and cops who arrived on the scene found drugs on Davis.

He was reportedly booked on felony possession of a controlled substance, along with a battery charge.

Davis is currently in custody.

His brother Jason was busted for heroin possession in January.

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“Mischa Barton Done With Hollywood” declares a headline on Hollyscoop, which goes on to claim the former “O.C.” actress is “quitting Hollywood and moving to London with her new boyfriend.”

Really?

Citing a report from the often lukewarm Heat magazine, the site alleges Barton — who lived in London as a young child and still has close family there — will do “theatre work in London rather than attempting to work on movies in the U.S.”

Not really.

A source close to the star tells Gossip Cop that Barton actually has two potential film roles in the works.

Furthermore, a rep for Barton calls the report “not accurate.”

Just another scoop from “Hollyoops” that comes up empty.

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Swift Response:

Wow, the week started off with a bang, thanks to Kanye West and his ridiculously rude interruption of Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards. You’ll recall his outburst: “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you . . . but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time,” leaving Swift speechless and the audience stunned. Well, Gossip Cop found out that he was then tossed, and security was notified not to let him return.

Gossip Cop was way ahead of the curve, reporting that Kanye was still going to perform on the first episode of “The Jay Leno Show,” along with Jay-Z and Rihanna, despite the controversy – and that he was also going to be a last-minute guest. We also had footage of Kanye escaping from New York to California for his Leno appearance. The next day Swift was a guest on “The View,” where she recapped what was going through her mind during the incident. “I think my overall thought process was something like, ‘Wow I can’t believe I won. This is awesome. Don’t trip and fall. I’m going to get to thank the fans, this is so cool—oh, Kanye West is here,” she said, adding, “Kanye West is here, cool haircut, what are you doing there? And then ouch, and then I guess I’m not going to get to thank the fans.” At the time of the morning gabfest, Swift said she hadn’t heard from Kayne, but right after the telecast, he made amends and “The View” released a statement saying, “[Kanye] spoke personally to the country music superstar via telephone and has apologized to the 19-year-old singer. She has accepted Mr. West’s apology.”

Later there was a report that Kanye was possibly suicidal, but that wasn’t true. What is true is that Kanye should steer clear of Pink. The outspoken singer, who tweeted after the VMAs that Kanye is the “biggest piece of [expletive] on earth,” didn’t let go. A couple of days later, while performing in Seattle, she told the audience that she carried a purse with brass knuckles and described the damage she’d have done to Kanye had he tried a similar stunt with her. To quote Swift, “ouch.”

“Sex” Encounters:

There were plenty of “Sex” tapes – and talk. Some of it wrong. A slew of outlets reported that Chris Noth, aka Mr. Big, was engaged. But Noth told Gossip Cop it was “not true.” He later texted us again to say OK! “made up a completely bogus” piece about him. “I have not said I am engaged. Until I do it’s all BS.” (While OK! corrected its error, not surprisingly Perez Hilton later published the original, inaccurate report.) Don’t be surprised, however, if Noth does get engaged in the not too distant future.

We also played Kim Cattrall’s “Sex” encounters on video. OK, it’s not that tawdry but we had great footage of Cattrall signing autographs and posing for pictures with loads of fans in New York, and footage of Sarah Jessica Parker and Cattrall – in a tongue-wagging costume – causing an eruption of excitement among fans and photographers.

Relationship Wrongs:

There were reports that Mischa Barton was dating an aspiring actor named Leo Wyndham for more than a month, but it’s not true that she’s sharing her “Beautiful Life” with him.

The British edition of OK! tried to insinuate that it was Sienna Miller time for Josh Hartnett after the two ran into each in a New York lounge. Somehow the two running into each other and kissing one another hello was turned into them “getting close,” “cosying,” and “canoodling.” The truth, though, is the two are just friends – and that’s it!

In what seems like a desperate attempt to cover their tracks after having incorrectly reported last week that Jessica Simpson was secretly hooking up with John Mayer, this week the tab is beginning to distancing itself from that story – and provide an out – with a pieced called, “John Betrays Jessica Already.” Regardless, both pieces are wrong, since Simpson’s rep told Gossip Cop that the two haven’t seen each other in some time.

Usually we don’t even waste our time with nonsense in the Globe, but there was a story so mean and inaccurate – “Travolta Divorce Shocker!” – that we had to deal with it. The story claimed, “John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s marriage has been so battered in the wake of their beloved son Jett’s tragic death, friends fear they’re headed for divorce!” Well, Travolta’s rep came out swinging, calling the hatchet piece, “100 percent false” and “a very hurtful lie.”

Toward the end of the week was a National Enquirer story titled “‘Braveheart’ & Cold Feet,” alleging that Mel Gibson is having second thoughts about marrying pregnant girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. We found it odd since we didn’t know there were any marriage plans, and his rep also said he had “never even heard of impending nuptials,” let alone his supposed second thoughts.

Berry Clear:

Halle Berry set the record straight this week when she appeared on “The Jay Leno Show.” After the talk show host asked, “How do you always look so good… you always look terrific,” she thanked him and replied that it “must mean all these pregnancies rumors can be, like, put to bed.” The Oscar winner went on to say she was getting a “complex” from all the pregnancy talk, adding that she had begun to think, “I gotta stop with all the burgers or something.” You would have thought that would have ended the pregnancies rumors, but no. Perez Hilton blogged the next day: “Not so fast, Miz Berry. We’re not convinced.” And where’s Fidel buried, Perez?

Daisy Dog:

Shortly after Jessica Simpson’s dog was snatched by a coyote, the star’s rep gave Gossip Cop some heart-wrenching details about how the family “saw it happen” and “tried to go after, but the coyote took [Daisy] and went.” Incredibly, the next day, there were a number of outlets that were not only unsympathetic but also insensitive – and inaccurate, especially when reporting that Simpson contacted dog-finding service FindToto.com to help locate Daisy. “Jessica Calls in Experts to Aid Dog Search,” said TMZ, and Perez Hilton picked up the story and mocked, “Simpleton Calls in Doggy Experts!” In reality, it was the company that called her and offered their services.

And then there was “Daisy-gate.” Janet Charlton’s Hollywood claimed that Daisy was taken six days earlier than reported, when in the care of Tina Simpson, while Jessica was still out of town working on her new reality show. But instead of people blaming her mom, Charlton said, “although Jessica is beyond heartbroken, she is covering up for her mother.” We’re waiting for next week’s angle about how aliens abducted Daisy.

Miscellaneous Mistakes:

Although Perez Hilton has learned how to cut-and-paste, he still doesn’t know how to read. In an article from the Telegraph that he lifted, it stated that Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe were going to be in the Guinness World Records book for being the “highest grossing lead actors of the decade.” But instead of realizing that Radcliffe’s films earned an average of $558 million and Watson’s movies averaged out to $753 million, “Scoop” Hilton reported that they – the actors – earned that amount of money. Nice try.

Then there was that odd Star story that Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne “wear each other’s things all the time” because “Ozzy gets so confused about which clothes are whose, [so] he ends up just putting on the first thing he grabs,” including Sharon’s jackets. Simply, that story just didn’t fit right.

The Star’s sister publication National Enquirer didn’t fare too well either. In a piece about Ellen DeGeneres titled, “‘Idol’ Threat,” the supermarket tab mistakenly claimed “Ellen doesn’t want the seat in the middle,” but rather the talk show host “wants to be the last judge to offer an opinion so her words will be the final thing ‘Idol’ fans hear on contestants.” Simon Cowell is not giving up his perch nor, as the rag wrongly reported, is “she’s planning to make ‘Idol’ a “kinder, gentler show.”

OK! had a superbadly reported story that said Seth Rogen and Cameron Diaz are feuding on the set of “The Green Hornet.” The mag claimed, “There have been occasions where he’s flown off the handle for no reason, leading her to storm off set.” His rep told Gossip Cop that there was “not one iota of truth” to the story.

And the U.K. version of OK! wasn’t that OK either with its story that reported, “Madonna will perform a duet with Janet Jackson as a tribute to Michael Jackson… after bonding over dinner after Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards.” After hearing that rumor Cop stepped in. There’s no duet scheduled, and Madonna’s rep told Gossip Cop, “They did not meet at or after [the] VMAs.”

Then there was that vacant Lindsay Lohan rumor that she was kicked out of New York’s Bowery Hotel after a fight with Samantha Ronson. According to Hollyscoop, while in a fight with Ronson, Lohan allegedly “threw a room-service tray at what she thought was her girlfriend’s door.” Must have been a pretty long throw because, at the time of the supposed incident, Lohan was in Austin, TX, working on her movie “Machete,” and Ronson was in L.A. Oops.

Weekly Wins:

Among the “wins” for Gossip Cop this week was the exclusive that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were given a private tour of the White with their kids Emme and Max, and that while mom and dad spoke to the president inside the Oval Office, Max ran wild around the White House. Later that day the couple went to Capitol Hill, where they discussed education with the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.  And that evening they saw the president again at the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute’s annual awards gala, where backstage before Barack Obama spoke, he led senators and members of congress in singing “Happy Birthday” to Anthony, who was honored at the event with a Lifetime Achievement Award.

Gossip Gop was spittin’ mad this week when a site posted “upskirt” shots of Taylor Momsen while on the set of “Gossip Girl.” Taylor is just 16-years-old, a minor, and those paparazzi, who focused their lenses to get an “upskirt” of a minor, should be ashamed of themselves. We can proudly report that after we singled out a particular site for its offensive photos – and sent an accompanying letter urging it to remove the photos because they are invasive and inappropriate – the blog took down the pictures.

‘Twilight’ Highlights:

The week began with a ludicrous story by the Aussie mag NW, which claimed that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart gave an unnamed U.S. magazine a joint interview about their “steamy relationship.” Among the topics covered: the “shock love triangle” that nearly tore them apart, their “intense sexual chemistry,” and the truth about their marriage plans.  None of it is true other than the fact that they have sat down for interviews to coincide with the release of “Eclipse.” Then we cleared up a little confusion about a showing of “New Moon” in Knoxville, TN on November 17 – three days before the highly anticipated movie opens nationwide. It’s a special, charity screening and just Stewart and Taylor Lautner are slated to attend – no Pattinson.

OK!, for the third week in a row, had a ridiculous “Twilight” tall tale. This week’s cover featured a photo of Pattinson and Stewart with the headline, “Wedding of the Year,” and promised inside to have the “the scoop on the big-screen ceremony, plus what to expect when Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson really tie the knot.” Besides the fact that they are not engaged in real-life, as OK! had previously claimed, the article went on and on describing what the “Twilight Saga” wedding looks like. But the wedding takes place in “Breaking Dawn,” not “Eclipse,” the installment they are currently shooting. So how is it possible that they have the “scoop on the big-screen ceremony?” Wrong again.

Fortunately all these false reports haven’t affected ticket sales. In fact, today is EXACTLY TWO MONTHS before the release of “New Moon,” and not only are online sales brisk, but the L.A. Times reported that the film “is selling out screenings earlier than any other movie to date.”

And then the tweet heard ’round the world. Tweeting on Peter Facinelli’s account, Robert Pattinson typed, “Hi, it’s Rob … My first and last tweet. My dad made me do it.” Shortly after that, Facinelli, through his rep, told Gossip Cop EXCLUSIVELY that Rob “relishes his privacy, but we’re hanging out and he wanted to say hi to the fans.”

On a final note, this week we lost Patrick Swayze, star of such films as “Dirty Dancing” and “Ghost.” Swayze, who battled pancreatic cancer, was 57. Gossip Cop remembers Swayze as a guy who, while in the midst of opening his New York restaurant Mulholland Drive Café back in 1990, was gracious and kind to this one-time cub reporter – and throughout the years. He will be greatly missed.

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Is Mischa Barton sharing her “Beautiful Life” with a new guy these days? Contact Music and a slew of other outlets are reporting that the former “O.C.” star is now dating an aspiring actor named Leo Wyndham.

“They’ve been together for over a month now,” says an unnamed source, who claims the two get along because “they move in similar circles.” That same source adds, “He’s been an extremely positive influence on her.”

Well, it seems Barton isn’t under the influence of anything or anyone because her spokesman, who’s been with her since the CW show’s premiere on Saturday night, tells Gossip Cop, “I’ve never heard that name before,” adding he thinks “it’s just rumor.”

We’ll keep you posted.

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Is Mischa Barton being tailed by a “sober coach”?

Reports claim that producers on her new show, “The Beautiful Life,” have hired a sober coach to follow Barton after her recent stint at L.A.’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, where she was hospitalized under involuntary psychiatric hold.

This story comes on the heels of Barton hitting “rock bottom” (her words) and then beginning to film her new series under great scrutiny in New York.

A rep for Barton told Gossip Cop that reports of a sober coach are “not true.”

Gossip Cop is skeptical of the rumor, but does sincerely hope that the “O.C.” alum does whatever it takes to take care of herself.

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Is America’s First Couple of Twitter going to make a joint splash on the small screen?

Rumors are flying that Demi Moore has taken a role on “The Beautiful Life,” the highly anticipated high fashion drama produced by her husband, Ashton Kutcher.

According to the UK’s Mail on Sunday, Moore “is set to play an ex-model obsessed with plastic surgery.” A source tells the paper that it was her hubby’s involvement that got Moore to appear on the show: “She completely trusts Ashton. The plan is for her to play a recurring guest role so that she can keep coming back.”

Um, no. While the show will feature Mischa Barton, Elle Macpherson, and others, here’s some full “Disclosure”: it will NOT feature Demi Moore.

A rep for the actress told Gossip Cop that the rumors are “completely false,” and that “there are no plans for Demi to make an appearance on ‘The Beautiful Life.’”

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Did the producers of the new series “The Beautiful Life” order Mischa Barton to lose 10 pounds?

There’s a story, originally from Britain’s Star magazine and now all over the Web, claiming the actress was “shocked to tears” when allegedly told by the show’s higher-ups to shed some weight.

According to these reports, “She knows that means they are calling her fat behind her back. She knows she is heavier than she needs to be but to hear it like that? It really shook her.”

The articles add that she’s even “broken down in tears more than once before shooting.”

Well, Gossip Cop is crying, too, but out of laughter.

You see, no one we know connected to the production thought there was anything to the rumor. And as Barton’s spokesman rightfully pointed out, “In her first week of work she slipped into the same sample size Versace dress that she wore while filming the pilot months ago. Proof is in the pics.”

“Proof” is something these tabloids tend not to have.