‘SNL’ Spoofs ‘The Bachelor’ With ‘Bland Man’ – WATCH VIDEO
“The Bachelor” was perfectly spoofed on “SNL” in a sketch called “Bland Man.” The parody featured a man from Chicago named Dan (Taran Killam), who has 25 women vying for his affection. Much like the reality show, all the women love him, have absurd life stories, and whenever “Bland Man” Dan is speaking to one woman, another will interrupt and say, “Can I steal him for a sec?” Watch “Saturday Night Live” mock “The Bachelor” below.
“Bland Man” began with Vanessa Bayer sitting on a bench with Dan, responding to him asking what she’s looking for in a guy by saying she wants to be with a “guy like my dad. Smart like my dad. Hard working like my dad, and with the same body and penis as my dad.” But in the middle of their time together, Kate McKinnon interrupted to ask, “Can I steal him for a second?”
During her time with Dan, McKinnon laughed at whatever he said, no matter how unfunny it was. She then told him, “It’s so good to laugh, because before this I was in a really bad cult.” That’s when Ronda Rousey came up to them and said, “Can I steal him a sec?” Rousey thanked Dan for their date in a “hot air balloon with the cast of ‘Chicago Fire,'” before the two agreed they had “so much in common” because they both like the sun and the moon.
At that point, Cecily Strong interrupted, “Can I steal him for a sec?” Strong revealed in her chat with Dan, “I’m a virgin, but I’m very quick to do the stuff I do.” That was followed by Aidy Bryant butting in and saying, “Can I steal him for a sec?” While with Dan, Bryant got emotional. She said, “Can I be honest with you. I have a son… and five daughters… and they can’t wait for you to be their daddy.”
Next, Sasheer Zamata interrupted with “Can I steal him for a sec?” Mocking the lack of diversity on “The Bachelor,” when asked about herself, Zamata said, “I’m the black one,” to which Dan replied, “Let me walk you out.” But then touching on how the reality dating show often has sob stories, Zamata added, “Everyone I’ve ever met is dead.” “Oh, you have a sad past… You can stay one more week,” noted Dan.
McKinnon interrupted again, and told the “Bland Man,” “You’re literally the funniest person I’ve ever met, and I know two Jews.” Rousey then came back and told Dan, “I served in Iraq… I was a waitress in a diner there for three years.” When asked what she plans to do next, she said she’ll probably do club appearances until she dies, to which Dan said, “Me too.”
Playing up on how there’s always one woman who’s a bit crazy on “The Bachelor,” but for some reason is kept longer on the show, Strong returned to Dan to tell him, “All the girls hate me, just because I’m so mean to them.” She added that she realizes she has “deep emotional problems,” and “I need to go home and deal with them.” But when “Bland Man” said he’d “be sad to see you go,” she responded, “OK, then I’ll stay and just be so insane.”
Bryant also came back for a bizarre revelation like the kind on the real reality show. “I need to be honest with you,” she said, before adding, “I have one enormous toe,” which made him sick when he saw it. That’s when Selena Gomez came up to them and asked, “Can I steal him for a sec?” She revealed to Dan that she loves being on the 25th season of the show “because I was conceived here on the second season.” When he asked her name and she said, “Selena Gomez,” Dan noted, “We can stop. I’ll go with her.”
Check out the video below of “Bland Man,” the “SNL” spoof of “The Bachelor.”