Shock of the Century (NOT): Tiger Woods & Elin Nordegren Apart on Valentine’s Day
2:33 pm, February 15th, 2010
(HollywoodLife.com)
What would we do without HollywoodLife? Where else would we find this type of rigorous and eye-opening journalism?
“Tiger Woods Had a Sad Valentine’s Day — He Didn’t Even See Elin Nordegren!” the site announces.
[silence]
Um.
[checks to make sure browser isn't on The Onion]
Are we missing something?
[looks for any indication of satire]
Nope. This is the “news” HollywoodLife decided to run. Let’s continue!
“While most couples spent Feb. 14 getting closer to one another,” Woods and Nordegren “had a slightly less affectionate day.”
Hmm. A slightly less affectionate day? That’s odd. Wonder why?
If only some hidden clue separated Woods and Nordegren from “most couples,” we could probably crack the case of why the two lovebirds were less than cuddly yesterday. If only…
Oh, right.
Tiger Woods has spent three months embroiled in one of the most sensational serial infidelity scandals ever, with an astounding number of women coming forward to claim sexual dalliances (including rumored pregnancies). Despite being one of the most famous men in the world, Woods hasn’t been seen publicly since November. His actions, regardless of what winds up being proven, earned him universal scorn, devastated his image, and humiliated Nordegren as few women have ever been.
We almost forgot.
Thankfully, HollywoodLife is able to back up this hard-hitting investigative work by citing a source for RadarOnline.com who goes out on a limb and claims Woods and Nordegren “never came in contact all day!”
Really?
The most embarrassed wife in the world, on the heels of a catastrophic cheating scandal that made front pages worldwide for weeks, didn’t sit down for a champagne toast and candlelit dinner with her disgraced (and missing) husband?
That’s news that deserves an exclamation point!
We know it’s late, but HollywoodLife… will you be our valentine?
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