Kristen Stewart “Breakup” and Makeup Stories Laughable
1:10 pm, July 14th, 2010
This almost defies parody.
Last week, the National Enquirer rewrote the rules of journalism (and threatened Gossip Cop‘s sanity) by publishing a story about Kristen Stewart on page 12… that totally contradicted a story about Kristen Stewart on page 2.
Well, the Enquirer has come roaring back this week with some more airtight reporting!
It publishes a Kristen Stewart story on page 12… that totally contradicts a story about Kristen Stewart on page 4.
This week, the Enquirer somehow manages to print conflicting items even closer together!
In one piece, the tab is “gravely sad” to report that Robert Pattinson has “confessed to pals that his tortured love affair with Kristen is ‘really, really over!’”
Claims an Enquirer insider, “Rob finally made the decision to make a clean break, and he’s acting really happy — like a great load’s been lifted off his shoulders!”
Apparently, it was co-star Reese Witherspoon‘s advice that he should “have fun” while he’s still young that convinced Pattinson to declare the romance done. He “gathered his courage” and split with Stewart, who “played it cool” but supposedly has been hurt terribly by his decision.
Normally, we’d point out that the Enquirer failed to mention the couple’s recent social outings together — like dinner and a concert, or that its “sources” might be the same ones who gave the tab lousy information last week.
But the Enquirer also forgot to check in with… itself.
This week’s issue reports just eight pages earlier that Stewart “nearly got arrested when she showed up in full vampire makeup” to surprise Pattinson on the Water for Elephants set on July 8. Not recognized by security, Stewart was almost apprehended “when Rob swooped in and explained who the trespasser really was!”
Kristen Stewart dressed up like a vampire and sneaked on to the set (on page 4) to surprise the man who made a “clean break” with her (on page 12)?
We give the tabloid credit for its high-wire act, but once again it falls flat on its face.
At this rate, the Enquirer will be contradicting itself on the same page by August!
Gossip Cop can’t wait.
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