Robert Pattinson on Kristen Stewart Drama: “Sh*t Happens… It’s Normal!”

Truth rating: 10
Robert Pattinson Esquire

By Shari Weiss

Robert Pattinson Esquire


Robert Pattinson jokes about his “love child,” shares a mortifying story about sex sweat, and gets candid about his romance with Kristen Stewart in the September issue of Esquire UK. As Gossip Cop can attest, a lot has been said about Pattinson’s relationship with Stewart, which was infamously complicated by her cheating with Rupert Sanders. In his Esquire cover story, Pattinson takes a light tone to the subject that has fascinated the tabloids and fans alike.

“Sh*t happens, you know?” he says, reportedly laughing. “It’s just young people… it’s normal! And honestly, who gives a sh*t?” Pattinson confesses, “The hardest part was talking about it afterwards. Because when you talk about other people, it affects them in ways you can’t predict.” “It’s like that scene in Doubt, where [Philip Seymour Hoffman is] talking about how to take back gossip?” he continues. “They throw all those feathers from a pillow into the sky and you’ve got to go and collect all the feathers.”

It seems like there will be feathers in the sky for years to come when it comes to Pattinson and his personal life, and the paparazzi certainly haven’t helped things. Talking about his former Los Angeles estate, Pattinson reveals the paparazzi “photographed anyone who came up to the gate, anyone who rang the bell, and they followed any car that came in and out.”

“I used to dress up my assistant as me, and get him to drive off with like five cars following him around for hours,” he admits, further telling the magazine that he “doesn’t understand” the paparazzi’s obsession with him. Pattinson notes, “I think it goes through periods where you’re assigned ‘this is the guy to follow.’ But whenever I see a bunch of paparazzi hanging out, I always think, ‘Oh God, what have they found out!’” “Oh, THAT love child! I totally forgot!” he jokes.

The movie star, who has been candid about his struggles with anxiety, explains it was panic that led him to talk about his “heavy saliva” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” in June. “I was literally pouring with sweat. And I felt myself drooling. I thought, ‘Oh my God, I’m starting to drool,'” he recalls. “So, I made up this stupid story about having heavy saliva, and Jimmy’s face just went, ‘What the f*ck are you talking about?’”

Amazingly, he has an even worse sweat story, from when he and Julianne Moore were filming their limo sex scene for the upcoming Maps to the Stars. Pattinson reveals, “I remember trying to catch the drops as they fell onto her back. It was weird. Huge splashing drops. At one point she turned around and said, ‘Are you all right?’”

The actor frequently embraces self-deprecation (“I tell every production company I work for, I’m probably going to f*ck up your entire marketing campaign”), and insists he isn’t fixated on critical reviews of his performances. “You’re judged so much more harshly if you step outside the norms of mass entertainment,” he points out. Pattinson goes on, “From my psychoanalysis of myself, I think I do it for myself. I like to see if I’m capable of something, and I don’t really care what people think, even though I read all the reviews. If it really mattered, it would have destroyed me years ago.”

He’s also not convinced his Twilight fan base will watch in more off-beat projects, though that seems to be okay with him. “They won’t go. I’ve said that from the beginning,” says the Brit. “Also, I’m trying to do stuff that will confuse an audience. When you watch a Joaquin Phoenix movie, his performance doesn’t remind you of his other performances. That element of being an actor is almost completely gone.”

But regardless of the intended audience or a movie’s chance of success, Pattinson stresses the importance of remaining humble behind the scenes as he reflects, “It’s amazing how quickly people change in this business.” “There was one guy who’d never been on a movie set before. And after just three days, he was holding out his water bottle and waiting for someone to take it. Three days. Some people just have it in them,” he says. Pattinson shares another incident where an “actress was doing a scene in the bath and she kept complaining about the temperature, how it was too hot or too cold. “So everyone pissed in it and put a bunch of bubble bath in afterwards so you couldn’t smell it!” he recalls. “This stuff happens. That’s why I avoid asking for anything. I don’t want to get anyone’s piss on me.”

Of course Pattinson, who describes himself as a “relatively solitary person,” has experienced some perks thanks to his fame as well, and very distinctly remembers the turning point. “I was going to clubs in L.A. and you had to call the promoters ahead of time to get on the guest list. But one time I forgot to call, and I was on the list anyway. That’s when I knew,” he says. “I showed up with mustard down my T-shirt and they’re like giving me the wink, ‘Yeah, man, you’re on the list.’”

The lack of anonymity these days means Pattison is frequently holed up inside his home, and that seems to be just fine with him. He tells Esquire, “There was a time, three years ago, when I didn’t know where to live, where I wouldn’t be trapped in my home, you know?” “But I worked it out. It’s not that big a deal in the end. Half of it is in your head,” says Pattinson. What do you think of the actor’s interview?

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