Mag’s Latest ‘Twilight’ Story Should Be Dumped
2:22 pm, June 16th, 2010
The only thing more exhausting than the tabloids’ atrocious coverage of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart is their habit of throwing together so much garbage, it takes multiple reads just to untangle it.
Life & Style has a “world exclusive” today: Pattinson “dumped” Stewart.
The tabloid, of course, is embarrassingly out of step when it comes to the two Twilight-ers.
In the past the mag claimed there was a massive conspiracy to keep possible a romance between them “under wraps” until fall 2010, when Breaking Dawn begins production… and then it negated its own theory by insisting Stewart’s attendance at Pattinson’s Remember Me premiere was a grand “public” declaration of a relationship.
But its cover story today is a true work of art.
“Finally Rob’s Fed Up With Miserable Kristen,” screams the cover that alleges she’s been “dumped!”
The first bit of “evidence” is that Pattinson “let slip” on “The Today Show” his thwarted desire to go on a regular date given intense paparazzi scrutiny. Then the mag quotes an “insider” who claims Pattinson called it quits with Stewart in England, declaring them “done.”
In the very next paragraph, a different “insider” says, “Rob and Kristen are together mostly — but it’s not exclusive.”
So are they “done” or “together mostly”? Because those two things are kind of opposites.
“The real-life romance [of Pattinson and Stewart] has been staked through the heart,” begins the Life & Style piece. But according to the tab’s own “insider,” who revealed the supposed British breakup, “When he meets up with her they start flirting again and get caught up in all the romance.”
So was the romance “staked through the heart,” or are Pattinson and Stewart “caught up in all the romance”? Because those two things are kind of opposites.
Pattinson is looking but feels he “hasn’t found his soul mate,” explains Life & Style. But the tab’s own second “insider” says, “I guarantee you this guy looks at other girls, calls them, texts them and hooks up.”
So is Pattinson searching for a soul mate or hooking up with random women? Because those two things are kind of opposites.
The weirdness of Life & Style‘s article continues: Stewart is supposedly “having second thoughts” about breaking up with one-time boyfriend Michael Angarano, who the magazine’s conspiracy theorists believe is “hoping for a run-in with his ex,” because he supposedly crashed Katy Perry‘s MTV Movie Awards afterparty.
Stewart wasn’t there, but “tellingly,” according to a so-called eyewitness, Angarano stayed for only half an hour, “appeared out of place and didn’t seem to be enjoying the party.”
Take a moment to consider how desperate Life & Style is.
Because Michael Angarano reportedly stayed for only a bit at a Katy Perry party that Kristen Stewart didn’t even attend, Life & Style claims it shows that he has a weird wish to torment Stewart… which supposedly reveals that Stewart is hung up on Angarano… which contributed to Pattinson’s decision to “dump” Stewart… even though once you read past its sensational headlines, Life & Style doesn’t even have the courage to conclude that Stewart has been dumped.
So is Life & Style.
Once upon a time, the tab’s articles contradicted each other from one week to the next.
Now the articles contradict themselves within two pages.
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