Queen Elizabeth Making Prince Harry Take Elocution Lessons?
The allegation can be found in the National Enquirer, which writes, “Naughty Prince Harry got caught using crappy Queen’s English by… well, the QUEEN — and Granny’s on the GROWL, even more than that time Randy Royal Red publicly flashed private ginger thatch dirty dancin’ in Vegas! So now he’s payin’ for bad grammar… ‘CAUSE QUEENIE DONT PLAY DAT!”
Yes, this is a real article in this week’s issue of the supermarket tabloid. It goes on to quote a so-called “royal spy,” who says in more unnatural language, “The Queen’s had issues with Harry’s English and cringes when he utters ungrammatical phrases, such as his recent quote in a UK paper: ‘If or when I do find a girlfriend, I will do my utmost to ensure that ME AND HER can get to a point where we’re actually comfortable with each other.”
No real person would say “such as his recent quote in a UK paper” in conversation like that, and then given the complete statement. Still, the piece goes on to allege that Queen Elizabeth “blasted” her grandson, saying, “Harry’s disregard for the English language is embarrassing to me, to the Crown, and to England!” And then it’s said the Prince “groused” after being “ordered to take elocution lessons, like a kid!”
“What’s the big deal — I’ll never be king anyway,” he supposedly responded. And Queen Elizabeth is actually quoted as firing back, “Every time you open your mouth, you represent me!” And as if this piece couldn’t get any more far-fetched, it ends by saying, “So Harry dragged his bum to the private lessons and met his new teacher… SURPRISE!… a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! So far no lesson’s been missed, and Harry keeps ’em totally private! (Heh, heh!)”
And yet the National Enquirer knows all about it? Right. This article, not to mention the way it’s written, is utterly absurd, and makes Gossip Cop think the gossip rag should go back to reporting about alien sightings. Still, we investigate even dumb stories like these. And in proper Queen’s English, we were told the elocution claims are “rubbish.”