Famous Magazine “Seeks Comfort” in Fictional Universe
9:27 am, June 9th, 2010
Tabloids slip into alternate realities with the distracted ease most of us show when putting on socks.
Last week, Famous magazine claimed Robert Pattinson had dropped a “bombshell” on the Water For Elephants set and confirmed to the media he and Kristen Stewart had split.
He’d done nothing of the sort.
Famous fabricated the entire premise.
But since Stewart was on the magazine’s home turf in Australia, the publication created a scenario in which Stewart arrived in the country “devastated” after an alleged breakup.
Now comes a sequel to the original work of fiction.
Upon arriving in Sydney, Stewart’s demeanor “seemed especially sullen,” but by the end of the three-day visit, her mood lightened considerably.”
The reason is simple in the tab’s eyes: She sought comfort in touring companion Taylor Lautner, who “had proven the perfect antidote.”
Lautner has always been “a shoulder to lean on,” a member of Stewart’s entourage tells Famous. “He seemed to be saying all the right things to Kristen.”
So let’s recap: The magazine insists Stewart was miserable (she wasn’t), and then “cures” her with Lautner.
OK, well, Stewart and Lautner are close friends who share that rare space at the top of a global pop culture phenomenon. Their fame has grown exponentially in the years they’ve known each other. It makes sense that they’d be comforted by each other’s presence.
Unfortunately, Famous is too enamored with its alternate reality to let logic ruin a bad thing.
The tab’s “mole” claims to have overheard Lautner tell Stewart, “‘If Rob did this to you, then he doesn’t deserve you.’”
Then the tab gets even more desperate.
“During the course of a live Q&A session with hundreds of screaming fans,” an audience member “observed” that Stewart and Lautner “constantly looked to each other for support and whispered in each other’s ears.”
Two co-stars look at each other and speak into each other’s ears — because hundreds of fans are screaming — and the tab assumes it’s blossoming romance? Really? That’s the best theory?
“So close were the duo by the end of the visit,” asserts the tabloid, Stewart invited Lautner to a “special meal” on their last night… a “special meal” enjoyed as well by a group of family and friends.
We know that Famous wants to explain the stars’ camaraderie in Sydney as some kind of whirlwind fantasy during which they deepened their “bond” and relationship, but Gossip Cop has a different take:
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner are close friends who were paired on an exhausting promotional tour of Australia and, later, South Korea. They did press together. They ate meals. They left.
That’s it.
We can’t wait for next week’s issue, when we’ll hear about how a “distraught” Pattinson, currently filming Water for Elephants, learned to smile again after forming a deep emotional bond with his new long trunked friends.
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