Kristen Stewart: My Early 20s Were “Traumatic” And “Debilitating” (VIDEO)
Kristen Stewart is more confident than ever, a result of what she calls a “traumatic” and “debilitating” period in her late teens and early 20s.
Stewart, of course, shot to a practically unheard of level of fame through the Twilight movies, a time of huge success that also brought much internal struggle. For her August 2015 Marie Claire cover story, the actress says, “Speaking very candidly, it was a really traumatic period in my early 20s that kick-started something in me that was a bit more feral.” But in actuality, Stewart admits she had issues even before then.
“Between ages 15 and 20, it was really intense. I was constantly anxious. I was kind of a control freak,” says the star. “If I didn’t know how something was going to turn out, I would make myself ill, or just be locked up or inhibited in a way that was really debilitating.”
Speaking to the magazine on a break from filming Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk, Stewart acknowledges, “I lit my universe on fire and I watched it burn.” But with the passage of times come growth, and she confesses, “I’m really proud that I am able to move forward and not fall into every mental crater. That’s a new thing for me. Age has made me smarter and calmer. And it is f*cking awesome.”
Even just changing up her hair has impacted Stewart’s perspective. She explains, “My hair was such a crutch. I looked quote unquote ‘sexy’ no matter what. I could hide behind it. As soon as I didn’t have all that hair, I had to let my face hang out. I felt more confident than I had in a really long time. And it felt really good.”
“Maybe to most people long hair is prettier,” she continues. “But then what? Is your main goal in life to be desired? That is boring as fuck.” Stewart further notes, “Lately, I’ve been doing less of the ‘I’m sooooo sorry.’ And more of the ‘No. F*ck. Jesus.’” And with letting go, the movie star has a new mantra: “F*ck it all!”
Stewart’s full interview hits newsstands on July 21. Check out an additional photo from the Marie Claire shoot below, as well as video of behind-the-scenes footage!