Perez Hilton Says Kristen Stewart is a Lesbian
1:29 pm, June 7th, 2010
“It’s like we’ve seen the light!” cries Perez Hilton.
Really? Meaning what?
Hilton is going to start checking facts? He plans to stay current on, well, anything? He’s going to get better sources, do actual reporting, not invent pregnancies, refrain from fabricating deaths, stop attacking minors, not run a daily clinic in hypocrisy, and become anything other than a train wreck of astoundingly awful blogging?
“How could we have not noticed this before??” asks Hilton, whose big epiphany is that Kristen Stewart might be lesbian.
He cites tweets from two veejays during last night’s MTV Movie Awards, which Hilton calls “truly enlightening observations regarding one Miz Stewie Puss Puss.”
Miz Stewie Puss Puss.
Well, at least it’s clear he’s going to treat the matter objectively and with an emphasis on facts rather than petty personal biases.
Anyway, one clue Sherlock Hilton examines comes via MTV Australia host Ruby Rose, who wrote, “I’m sorry, but Kristen Stewart has to be a lesbian. I dont (sic) mean to stereotype but isnt (sic) it obvious?”
We’d love to know what stereotypes lay the groundwork for this strong analysis, but Perez never mentions them.
Did we miss something?
Was Stewart’s homosexuality confirmed when she won Best Kiss for locking lips with (male) Robert Pattinson? Was it when she behaved and appeared no differently than she has in the past?
“Time to come out, bb!” concludes Hilton. “Embrace your lezilicious self! Maybe then you’ll stop being so effing miserable all the time and will actually SMILE!”
Um, like the smile Stewart flashes in the photo Hilton weirdly chose to illustrate his theory that she… never smiles?
Just so we’re clear, it seems like Hilton is saying Stewart must be a lesbian because she’s typically “effing miserable.”
That’s the best he has.
Back here in reality, Kristen Stewart’s sexual orientation is, like all other personal matters, her business. And besides, as most people know, she doesn’t hang out with Pattinson off-screen just because they’re best buddies.
And as we’ve said repeatedly, it might be time for Hilton to find a new business altogether.
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