Kristen Stewart: My “First Love” Inspired Emotions In Equals

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Kristen Stewart First Love Equals Interview

By Shari Weiss

Kristen Stewart First Love Equals Interview

(Getty Images)

Kristen Stewart is confessing that lingering emotions from her “first love” inspired her performance in her new movie Equals.

As Gossip Cop reported, Equals had its world premiere at the Venice Film Festival last weekend. The sci-fi love story tells the tale of two people in a futuristic society where feelings are banned. When Stewart and Nicholas Hoult’s characters realize they are “switched on” and can feel, they’re forced to hide their growing love or risk death.

In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Stewart is asked if she “drew from” her own first love with the role, and she answers “totally.” The actress candidly explains, “One of the reasons I was so intimidated by this movie is because I was like, ‘This is gonna hurt. I don’t want to think about all that.’ It’s good, it’s cathartic, it’s worth it. I feel good now on the other side of it.”

“But at first I was like ‘Oh God.’ If we do this right it’s so basic, it’s so fundamental, it’s so young. Obviously, Nick and I are 25. We made the movie nearly a year ago. We’re still very close to our first loves. It’s definitely something that we both know so well,” reveals Stewart. “It was a painful movie to make in every way. It was exuberant, cathartic and at the same time almost too self-reflective. We would go home and be like, ‘We seriously need a drink. Let’s just stop thinking about everything. Let’s not talk. Let’s just take a walk.'”

Stewart also identified with having to hide her feelings. “Anybody who’s had a bad day or maybe like is just PMS-ing or just feeling too much on a certain day where you have to go and show face, I’ve had to do that a lot, an exceptional amount. I know that feeling and that is so familiar to me to feel something so hard and have to go into work and say ‘Good Morning,’ and not show emotions,” she says.

And the subject matter, Stewart says, also relates to the way people sometimes expect her to live according to their wishes. She tells THR, “It’s never difficult for me to do it but it has been difficult sometimes to hear people’s response to it, to things that I just think are so insignificant, as insignificant as not wanting to wear heels for five hours or more significantly the way people choose to live their lives. Why do people care? Why do you care? I’m sorry, have I let you down or something? You don’t even know me.”

The movie star goes on to say of celebrity and fame, “It’s weird. It’s bizarre. It’s like this whole other form of entertainment, which I get. I just wish that people saw through it a little bit more. It doesn’t need to go away. It’s just so ridiculously grey. I think I can find a little bit of comfort in that and know that people know that. I think people understand that.”

“It’s like something bad happens to you. You do an interview that you mess up, say something stupid, say something you don’t mean and you just think it’s end-all because it has emotionally affected you. In a week, people will move on to the next thing because it’s business and it’s fuelled by money, therefore you can’t take it too seriously,” she adds.

Naturally, Twilight comes up when Stewart is asked about “similarities” between Bella and her Equals character. Noting she “loves” love stories, the actress reflects, “Both of them are very simple and I think that’s why I really liked them. Both of them, you can criticize each character for being weak because they give it all up for a man. But I think that that is the most f*cking courageous thing you can do. There’s nothing weak about being subject to something.”

Stewart further insists, “In fact, in order to open yourself up and let all of your guards down and just give yourself to something fully, no matter what anyone else thinks, whether they think it’s the right thing for you or not, I just love that. I just f*cking love that. That’s so feminine. That’s what women do.” TELL US: What do you think of Stewart admitting her own love life inspired her Equals performance?

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