Kim Kardashian: “I Freaked Out” When Caitlyn Jenner Began Transitioning
Kardashian gives her own perspective on Jenner’s transition in a new KimKardashianWest.com blog post called “From the Desk Of: About Caitlyn.” She begins by explaining, “I mentioned in our show ‘About Bruce’ that when I was 21 years old I walked in on Bruce dressed up like a woman and kept that secret for over a decade. I didn’t really elaborate on it, but I think its important for others who don’t really understand. Maybe my story can help anyone else experiencing something similar.”
Kardashian writes that it wasn’t until she saw Jenner cross-dressing with “heels, wig, makeup and all” that she realized there was an issue. “Had I not overheard my dad [Robert Kardashian] and his friends discussing rumors that Bruce would dress up as a woman years before (when I was about 11 years old), I never would have believed what I was seeing,” says the reality star. “I thought my dad was jealous of my mom’s new husband, that he was joking with his friends on the phone, but suddenly I knew it was all true.”
Kardashian fled the house and went to her sister Kourtney’s, where she revealed what had happened and they attempted to research Jenner’s behavior. ” We didn’t even know the term ‘transgender,’ nor did we know what it meant. For over a decade, we assumed he was a cross-dresser, not transgender,” she explains. At the time, Jenner would only tell his stepdaughter that there was a “deeper issue,” and that they would one day talk about it.
“So I kept the secret and didn’t tell anyone other than Kourtney. We did not tell my mom, either. I’m not sure why I didn’t tell my mom. I guess I thought it would break up her marriage, and Kendall and Kylie were so young … I just felt so bad. I literally tuned it out for over a decade and never even really thought about it,” says Kardashian.
That changed four years ago. “When I was 30, Bruce called me and said, ‘Are you ready to talk about it?’ I happily met with him at my home and he explained to me that he always felt he was trapped in the wrong body,” she remembers. “I never really thought he would one day transition—that was never discussed. So I never could have foreseen that, in the future, Bruce would transition into Caitlyn.”
Kardashian reflects, “I walked away from this talk maybe understanding Bruce a little bit better as to why he did a lot of solo sports and spent a lot of time alone, because he didn’t really connect with many people—but I never walked away thinking he was a different gender. Maybe it wasn’t explained well enough to me or maybe Bruce still wasn’t sure and didn’t know how to communicate what he felt. We went another half decade living life as usual.”
When Jenner ultimately separated from her mother, Kardashian says she and her siblings “assumed they had just grown apart and, to be honest, we thought Bruce was getting older and just irritable.” But, she writes, “Little did we know, the transition was happening. When I began seeing pictures of Bruce with his nails painted and those reports that he had his trachea shaved, I started to freak out. That’s when we started to talk about it.”
“At that point,” admits Kardashian, “I still thought he wanted it to be a secret. I didn’t understand why he was being careless and getting caught if he didn’t want to reveal anything. He was saying he didn’t want anyone to know but he was leaving clues for people to find out. He had been seeing a therapist and eventually decided that’s how he wanted to live his life.”
And it seems Kardashian actually felt relieved. “This was such a huge weight off of my shoulders, that Bruce can live his authentic self and become Caitlyn,” she says, adding, “Of course, the kids were all nervous about how our dad would be perceived and that’s a normal feeling. We all went through so many emotions, ups and downs, therapy together and meeting with heads of the transgender community to better understand what was all going on.”
Now Kardashian says, “I am really happy that she’s so accepted and she can share her story. Being transgender is so much more common than people would assume, and Caitlyn is helping so many people going through this. Is it weird for me? Yes, this person has been my stepdad for half my life. But life is just about being happy — that’s the one common denominator that everyone can understand. If you aren’t able to be you, who can you be?”
“I’m just so proud of Caitlyn, and our relationship is even stronger now. And, after all, she asks me for style and glam tips all the time. What’s more fun than that?” asks Kardashian, ending her post with an “LOL.” TELL US: What do you think of Kardashian writing about Jenner’s transition?