Giuliana Rancic: "We Put Our Marriage First And Our Child Second"

Leslie

There is a reason for that G. Babies are helpless beings that depend on YOU for their every need. I really hope this is some sort of lost in translation story, if not I’d say you don’t deserve a baby.

Kateekidding

So when you call your husband your ‘first baby’ and your child your second, that sounds way off to me.

I’m confused as to why you choose to have a child. Clearly you wanted one when you turned to surrogacy, but to then prioritize your absolutely helpless infant after your relationship? To have a child is one of the greatest responsibilities you can have! It’s a life you literally hold in your hand. Not an accessory or an accomplishment!

For an infant it is beyond crucial to have the love and physical attention needed to grow up into a healthy human being. To put that need below your marriage is perhaps the most selfish thing I have ever heard of.

I certainly hope that you are able to meet your child’s needs even though your relationship with your husband comes first. My heart goes out to this child.

Mia0209

then why did you so desperately want a child? Oh, so the nanny can raise it. Vapid skank! Can’t really expect much else from someone whose sole job is to suck up to people she so desperately wants to be bffs with.

jenny

those arent the words of a mother! Guliana, you NEED TO LEARN a lot still…..its true that the best thing we can do for our children is to have a good and strong marriage, but that doesnt mean that your relationship is first to that little baby that needs you to survive! this is plain wrong! it may sound a little cruel, but its obvious you didnt gave birth this poor child!

C

Wow, I’ve never heard a mother say that, specially with small children. It doesn’t sound good, but maybe it came out wrong?. It should be a tie in 1st place.

Jennifer

Wow they have alot to learn

glow

I think I get what she is saying she just didnt explain herself well… IMO I do put my relationship in a very high priority because I dont want to be one of those moms that get so involved with her baby that she forgets she has a husband and then wonders why he is leaving. I do however put the baby as a first priority as well because it is part of me!!! The baby needs you to survive and to develop as a person. I also put myself as a priority. I think it is a balancing act between taking care of the baby without loosing yourself and forgetting about the other important people in your life. I am kinda hoping she meant it this way as well and some of the interview is missing

Jenna

Calm down people. I think she simply that meant that the baby doesn’t take priority to the extent of neglecting the marriage but her choice of words was unfortunate. She would have come across better to have said that both her marriage and her child are her priorities in her life and she gives her full attention to both. A lot of marriages have ended because when a baby comes along women get so involved in taking care of their baby that they neglect their marriage. You can give your child lots of love and take good care of the child without neglecting your marriage.

Shame

It is true that children do benefit from their parents having a healthy happy relationship, BUT that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put the child first. A good mother can still be a good wife, but for the eighteen years after you have a baby, your husband needs to come second. That’s just a fact.

awe

yes i think you explained what she was trying to say properly haha she probly panicked after saying it and mumbled words together.

Regina1180

Wow! I’m not a mother, but I’m trying really really hard to be. I can tell you what, the minute that I am able to hold my child in my arms, everything else goes to number 2, even my husband.

All this shows is just how selfish these 2 are. I understand that a happy and healthy marriage is part of a good upbringing for a child, but come on!! Your child is supposed to be above all else, even yourself. Did they have a kid just for the story?

Regina1180

I’m pretty sure she meant it exactly the way she said it. Of course after the backlash, she’ll issue a statement saying its not as bad as what she really meant and ask people to watch her reality show.

Leslie

She articulated her thoughts perfectly, that is the sad truth. She does have a degree in journalism!

icrodriguez

Your first priority in life should be your child, as the role of motherhood trumps all others in your life. Her comment was shallow, selfish, and not becoming of a devoted mother. I pray her child never learns of his ranking in his mother’s life. Pathetic.

Noway

She never carried that child. A mother will move heaven and earth, literally jump in front of a bus to save her child, die a million deaths for her child. Something happens when you carry a child in your body for nine months. No relationship can measure. Another woman carried that child for her, and maybe nature knows best, not all of us are meant to be mothers. It’s sometimes best toilet sleeping digs lie.

statcat

Bad choice of words to say the least.

missylalawhite

Everyone criticizing her clearly didn’t read what she had said. She’s 100% right. When many couples have children, all of a sudden their relationship is put on the back burner & all of their energy goes into their child. Nothing wrong with doting on your child, but you also have to remember to take time for your marriage. She means that yes she is a mother & she loves her child dearly, but it won’t be helpful if she & her husband don’t focus on their relationship as well. Putting your marriage first doesn’t mean she’s a bad mother or that she thinks of her child less, it just means that she wants to make sure that she has a stable & happy relationship with her husband for the sake of them & their child. So many men feel neglected from their wives once the baby comes and it’s obvious she knows what she’s talking about. Just because you have a baby, doesn’t mean that it trumps everything else in your life and your marriage comes last on the list or even second. Maybe it wasn’t worded right, but she isn’t wrong.

mls8662

What she should have said is being on camera is her first priority. The husband and that poor baby just got her more air time. That woman is so annoying.

http://www.facebook.com/RTCastleberry R.T. Castleberry

I hope they’re putting money into a pyschiatrist fund for for the kid. He’ll need one in the future.

glow

I dont agree… some women have a great relationship with their children and love them more than life itself without being able to carry them for 9 months. My aunt loves her baby boy and gave up everything to have him and she waited patiently for many years… I think it is more about character

Michelle

People are so ridiculous. Just because she puts her husband first does not in any way mean she’s a bad mother. She excels at both because she is able to prioritize in a way that works for both her and her family. Just because the way she does things doesn’t suit your standards does not mean she’s doing anything wrong.

Many women who do put their children before their husbands end up with husbands that cheat on them because 1. they’re being ignored and 2. how exciting can a woman really be when the only thing she has to talk about are whose diaper she changed that day or whose boo boo she had to kiss? They lose interest.

Good for Giuliana for doing things in a way that works for her whole family. Not your family, hers.

http://twitter.com/jax1991 Jackie

You ALL are missing the point. Look at the divorce rate in America. It’s because people put the child above the marriage. NEWSFLASH: the BEST gift you can give your child is to be in a happy relationship with the other parent. She still takes care of her kid, loves the kid, she’s just going to make sure she has date nights and makes sure she doesn’t wind up divorced like the majority of you are. Do you all have happy marriages to the other parent of your child? if you don’t shut up! you don’t know what your talking about. You don’t know (or won’t acknowledge) the damage you do to your child when you get divorced. She’s doing it right.

MissZee

this works for some couples honestly…to each their own

Michelle

Amen, thank god someone on this site has a brain.

Liz

Sounds like her priorities are messed up, but whatever. The unconditional love you have for your child is different than the love you have for your spouse. She said her husband was her first baby and Duke is her second baby. So what the hell does that mean?? If they have another baby, he/she will come in third? It’s just a weird take in balancing motherhood and being a wife. I get that the part about not neglecting your spouse, but to say she she puts her marriage above her child is weird, imo.

Guest

They probably leave their baby with a nanny most hours of the day everyday anyway do I’m not surprised. She might feel less attached to the child because she didn’t give birth to it. It shows

t

there are many things wrong with this

lola

if you’re working on your marriage BECAUSE of the sake of your baby and FOR your baby doesn’t it mean that in the end your baby is actually your number one priority?! If that’s what she was trying to say than she really should have used a different choice of words. Because when you say my husband is my number one priority and my baby comes second that really doesn’t sound good! I definetly wouldn’t want to hear that from my own mother!!!

But

Yes, take time for your marriage because in 18 years that child will be gone and your husband will be a stranger to you, HOWEVER if you bring a child into the world, it is your responsibility to put that child FIRST. You don’t have to ignore your husband/wife, but saying you put him first is ridiculous. She either needs to reword her statement/comment or sort out her priorities.

Nope

Just because a woman puts her child first, doesn’t mean she has to ignore her husband, and doesn’t mean she has nothing else to talk about than that child. Your comment is ignorant and obviously you have no idea what goes into being a mother or a wife. a woman can do both successfully but she should always put the child first, as should the husband. They chose to bring that child into the world so that child should ALWAYS come first. Yes, take time for your marriage, of course, but for the next 18 years it is their job to make that kid feel like it’s the most important thing in the world.

Martina

I have no respect for this person….never will….she thinks she can have anythig. She buying a baby and then coming here and babling how marriage is more precious to her then her baby. Well….because you don’t know how is that feel to feel a child grow inside you , because child to you is a item you can buy, a stuff.
There is a reason why you could not have the baby- and this is the one!
But you are lucky as you living in a country where you can legally purchase a human being.
What a mother….

Yep

I agree completely. It is their job as parents to make that child feel like it is the most important person in the world. Of course they need to make time for their marriage because a child does need to see a healthy relationship, but again, it should come second, or at the very least, don’t make a public statement saying something like this when the child will be able to one day search the internet and read it. No kid needs to hear they’re parents put themselves above them.

Oops

Their, not they’re

jackalexandria

Wow after going trough such a desperate public attempt to have children, they put them second. Unbelievably sick. It is pathetic the lengths these wanna be celebrities will go to for more attention. Sounds like something right out of a Kardashian’s script.

LK

Dear Giuliana, once you have child it should be: mom first, woman second.

http://www.facebook.com/sharon.marsoun Sharon Hudson Marsoun

I disagree. As the mother of 7 sons, you HAVE to make your marriage a #1 priority so that those children will have a mother AND a father in the home! I’ve been an attentive, devoted, involved mother to my sons, with a clean house, clean laundry, healthy meals, helped with homework, played taxi driver, Scout leader, nurse, and STILL made time for their dad to be a priority! It can be done! Don’t ever think even for one minute that you can hold a family together by making your hustband be on the back burner! Just won’t work.

Martina

Obviously she is not one of them!

Martina

No my dear….exactly the opposite.
Because you have a child you WILL put everything else on second place!!!!
Your child need you completely, child bonding with you and with father as well.
Be a mother is the most hardest job in the world, because you are sacrificing everything for your family, and everything else must be on hold, because when your child is just a child yet it’s necessary to be there 100%.
Every man knows that and unless he is emotionless animal who can’t hold his d!ck in pants he wants the same what a mother of a child.
You probably have no child and neither maternal instincts because otherwise you would know and understand that for a parents their love for their child is so strong and unconditional that they automatically sacrificing their personal life, they don’t do that because they have to, but because they want to.
It’s something that comes naturally, effortlessly. And although you feel wrecked, tired, depressed, you are happy at the same time. You are happy because you created something, and your every day hard labour makes you proud, makes you who you are a parent! Without that you are nothing!
Every woman know and learn pretty soon what apply and would not apply to her child so she soon learn how to manage her time to find a time for herself and her husband.
Because my dear…..everything takes time.
And all can be balanced. All can be done.
And two people are in it together,for their child.
And if those two people CAN NOT put their child first as their biggest priority for those few years he/she will be a child, they should never have that child at the first place.
But when I read your comment I understand that to have child is not for everybody!

Martina

Thanks to brain like that could be you always second!
Brain needs more for its functioning.

Martina

Every husband who is not able understand that child is first and just because cheats on his wife has no value and she is better without him.
Would he cheat if his wife was sick too?!
If she could not spend some time with him?!
And what if their child were sick, and there would be no time neither mood to be together sexualy?! Does he have a right to cheat?!
Jesus…..when I read your comment I so much appreciate what I have.
I don’t know how could any woman can lower to be with swine you described?!
When I asked my husband few years ago if he would cheat on a woman who does not sleep with him, he said that obviously everyone has needs but he could not be with someone else just because they would be having problems.
Obviously, you may say that he would not be honest with me.
Lets just say that I know he was truthful.
On the other hand he brought some point- in any marriage there are times when two people are arguing, not communicating and have no sex- do
You saying they should cheat on each other?! That MAN have the right to cheat ?!
In what century are you living in?!
If you believe that you are not worth a man who treats you with respect,,you should work on your self esteem.
Aparantley you had bad examples during your childhood.

Martina

But you did not put your kids on second place. You tried to balanced all in your life so all work out the best way.
To make a time for your husbands and put him on the first place is two very different things.
Every grown up woman obviously working on her relationship, and trying to find a time to be with her man…..but her children are always FIRST!

Martina

That rate is high for very different reasons.
What you just wrote is excuse !
A sad one!

Martina

This is very good point! Also….those people who are responding positively had enough love and were always on first place for their parents, so is that what make the
So ignorant?!
Otherwise they would sing different song!
Or are they just pure arrogant and cold?’

OMG

I know this is wayyyy off topic, but Guiliana Rancic is one of the least attractive people whose photographs we see all the time. Just had to say that. I’ve been thinking it for years. Sorry Guiliana.

guest

STFU, you sell your private life along with your baby on every show. Pathetic.
Also, someone that looks like an Avatar shouldn’t be criticizing others for a living. Shame on you.

Michelle

Actually, I am not only a mother but also a wife. I have 5 children that I am extremely attentive to and heavily involved in all of their lives and I still put my marriage as my number 1 priority. My children do come second and I have no problem saying it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love them unconditionally and that i wouldn’t jump in front of bus to save any of them. They absolutely mean everything to me. But my husband does to and I make sure that I have a healthy relationship with my him because ignoring him is not the way to make family life work.

However, as I stated before, its important to do what works for YOU. Not what other people think is right for you and your family. For me, this works. That is why I have 5 extremely loved, healthy, intelligent kids, and a 27 year anniversary coming up.

Taylor

It is not as big of a deal as everyone is making it out to be.

My mother and I have a very open relationship and she has told me before that her marriage is her number 1 priority and that her kids come right after that and it doesn’t bother me the slightest bit. Why? Because never once was I not loved or cared for or not attended to when I needed to be. Neither were any of my three sisters. She always made it seem as though we came before everything. And in many ways we did. But her number 1 priority is and will always be maintaing a healthy and stable relationship with my father. I understand that and agree with it 100%. Because she has done that, I have been able to live a life in which I could see what a true, strong, loving relationship between parents should be like. That is a lesson I will take with me forever.

So as big of a deal as this may seem, from someone whose mother has told them before that she does indeed do this, let me be the first to tell you, its not wrong.

However, every family is different and every family has to do what works for them. This worked for my family. But it may not work for someone else’s. You have to do what’s right for you and your family not what you think is right because of what others say.

Lisa

And who are you to determine who deserves a baby and who doesn’t?! Oh, that’s right, no one. That’s not your decision to make in any way. Just because you dislike the way she does things with her family doesn’t mean that what she is doing is wrong. She does what works for her family and I absolutely without a doubt believe that her baby is loved, adored, and attended to by both of his parents.

People are acting like she said she ignores her kid. She doesn’t, and her child is obviously important to her or else she wouldn’t have fought tooth and nail to assure that she could have a child.

Samone

I think that because she didn’t carry her baby and had to go through a long process to make this baby happen, shouldn’t one think that their marriage would be in a really good place before planning this out? I mean, i know a lot of families begin because of happy accidents and they’re parents whether or not the marriage is 100%. But when you have to do extensive planning to have a baby, shouldn’t you make sure that your marriage can withstand being placed on a back burner for the first couple years when a baby is most dependent?

Ryder

1. You’re ridiculous

2. In no way is her baby not going to survive because she treats her marriage as her #1 priority. She still attends to, loves, and cares for her child.

3. You’re wrong: what you said is not only cruel but it is also absolutely disgusting. You’re talking about a woman who can’t have children and fought tooth and nail for that baby. To say such a thing, that’s its obvious she didn’t give birth to her child, is repulsive. I hope you are not a mother since you obviously cannot think through what you say before you say it. I’m much more worried for your children than hers.

Michelle

Clearly your brain isn’t functioning since that isn’t even a properly developed thought.

Fallon

How is she not one of them? Because she put hers marriage as her number 1 priority she doesn’t love her child? You realize that makes no sense. That’s exactly like saying that because you prioritize your immediate family over the rest of your family you don’t love them. Or prioritizing your family over your dearest friends. It’s simply not true. Believe it or not, its actually possible to love and care for more than one person. And just because you prioritize one thing over another doesn’t mean that you don’t love both things or care for both things.

yep

When a child is old enough to understand and/or begins to have a life for themselves, then I could see a parent making that transition to their marriage being first again. Not when the baby is still figuring out the world. A child needs to know it’s okay to have different types of relationships with different people, but every child needs to feel valued and the most special and important in their parent’s eyes, especially during those first few crucial years. I’m glad you feel your upbringing was right for you, but you are not the norm. Children often grow into rebellious and/or lost teens and adults when they they don’t get enough emotional attention from their parents. Our world is full of selfish parents which in turn, create shelfish children that grow into selfish adults. Sorry, but it’s true.

Michelle

Its not a fact at all. It’s 100% an opinion. I am a mother and wife myself and do not agree with what you’ve stated at all. Are my kids still absolutely without a doubt important to me? Yes. But, I do prioritize my marriage above all things other than God. And my children come right after that. I am extremely involved in all of their lives and never ignore them or not love them. They mean everything to me. But that doesn’t change my view on how I would like my particular family life to be.

Oh Gosh

Do you realize how irrelevant your opinions come across when they make no sense? “What you just wrote is excuse ! A sad one!” That statement is a sad excuse for an argument.

And while divorce rates being high may be for different reasons, do you realize how common it is for spouses to divorce each other once their kids have grown up? Why? Because when you devote every aspect of your life solely to being a mother and continually put your husband second, what is left once your children are gone? Nothing. You have no bond over anything but your children and they’re not there anymore because they’re creating their own lives. So now you’re in a relationship in which you have nothing left to connect you. As important and wonderful children are, you cannot forget everything else that is important to you in life because of their appearance. You have to remember who was there before them, who is the reason you have them in the first place.

Taylor

Like I said, you have to do what is right for your family. And I would like to clarify in case you missed it, in no way did me or my siblings not receive emotional attention from our parents. They gave us everything they possibly could and gave up everything for us however they also did the same for each other.

And your statement is not as true as you would like to believe (I mean this in the most non-offensive way). You’re overgeneralizing and stereotyping quite a bit. There are children that are over loved and over cared for and treated like glass by their parents who also turn into rebellious and/or lost teen and adults.

Lastly, I would just like to say that being selfish to a certain extent is not a bad thing. Before you can establish any type of relationship with anyone in your life it is important that you love, care for, and worry about yourself. Worrying about and taking care of yourself isn’t a bad kind of selfish, it’s being responsible.

P.s. while I may not be the “norm” in your eyes, plenty of my friends have parents who have also openly admitted this to them and they have also turned out perfectly fine. In my life, I am the norm.

yep

I think we’re talking about two entirely different things here. You just said that your parents gave you everything they possible could, and they also did the same for eachother – Well, that is the goal for everyone. No one is saying a husband and wife shouldn’t work hard on their marriage and put everything they can into it. But what they can put into their relationship should not come at the expence of the child. When you bring a child into the world you are responsible for putting that child before yourself. You lose sleep, you lose freedom, you lose the ability to be selfish, and yes, you lose time with your husband/wife because a child cannot be put on the backburner. Parents can have date night, and should, but not at the expence of the child’s needs.There is a time to be selfish, and that is BEFORE you have a child.

http://twitter.com/andee_16 Stefania

People’s opinions are due to social norms. I understand that when you have a child you should put them first especially in their early years but there is no wrong in putting your husband first. You have to maintain a healthy relationship with him because in the end your child leaves. The person next to you is your husband and hopefully he is still there when the child decides to leave. You have to have a healthy relationship to keep it going.

punkindj

I understand what she is saying on some level. But As a person that has worked in schools, I see too many, far too many parents that don’t make their children their first priority. She is the one that made the process of having this child public. She and her husband have put their lives on public display. I think it is her business, but then why does she feel the need to tell the public this. I really don’t think that many people care.

http://www.facebook.com/maria.virokhovsky Maria Virokhovsky

If all you want is babies, why then marry? Just have a kid, today it’s not a problem at all, or do in the way Swedish people do it sometimes officially – get together for the purpose of making and raising a child only. The entire point of marriage is lost if you put your babies first. Mariage is about being partners in life, and that’s very important. Out of this, as an outcome of this beautiful relationship, a kid is born. And yes, he comes after. Which doesn’t say don’t preoritize him at all, just don’t prioritize him over your spouse. Saying the kid comes first is the same as saying that when your wife has a problem giving birth and only 1 will survive – a mother or an infant – you choose an infant.

Kateekidding

Yes, I would absolutely choose to save the infant. Obviously.

I don’t in any way see why putting a baby first would destroy the point of a marriage, on the contrary. the baby, especially in the first two years should be a shared priority that bind the parents closer together.

‘Being very important partners in life’ that’s all well and good, but what is their most important task? To make each other happy or to raise a child? I would hope that both could be possible, but if only one is, I should hope that they would choose the child over their relationship. Don’t get me wrong. A good relationship between the parents is great for the child, but not if the relationships health is based on neglecting him or her.

My reasons to why the baby should be prioritized before the marriage is that the baby is completely helpless. The parents are adults who are able to set aside their own needs for a period of time. A baby isn’t able to do that. It needs attention and care in those first months that can not be postponed. If those needs are not met it can mean serious mental illness in the future.

I do however believe, when a child gets a certain age, that it is healthy for it to learn that it is not the center of the universe and that ‘mom and dad’ also need time to themselves, but not during the first months.

What really baffles me about this case is, that their son is only seven months old, and that is just way to soon to be part-time parented.

KH

I am a marriage and parenting coach with a PhD in this field. In fact, I am giving a talk tomorrow night about this very topic. Marriage should come first. ALWAYS! Children come out a loving marriage (whether they are biological, adopted or carried by a surrogate). Your children learn so much from watching your marriage. They learn gender roles, communication styles, conflict management, values and boundaries. The very best gift they can give Duke is to put their marriage first. I have 3 kids that I love dearly and I meet all of their needs with unconditional love and support. When kids are grown and gone, you will still be married. People need to nurture that relationship too. It is not selfish. In fact, it is selfless. BTW to those who think this is because she did not carry Duke…that iS RIDICULOUS. One of my 3 children is adopted and my love for her is as deep and connected as it is with my biological children. In fact, when you work so hard to have a child, you value that child even more sometimes.

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Giuliana Rancic: “We Put Our Marriage First and Our Child Second”

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