Cara Delevingne: I Almost Committed Suicide
Cara Delevingne opens up about her lifelong battle with depression and almost committing suicide in a new interview with Vogue. The model reveals that at the age of 15 she was “hit with a massive wave of depression and anxiety and self-hatred.” Delevingne says the “feelings were so painful that I would slam my head against a tree to try to knock myself out.”
“I never cut, but I’d scratch myself to the point of bleeding,” divulges Delevingne, adding, “I just wanted to dematerialize and have someone sweep me away.” The cover model says she was put on a number of different medications, some of which she claims were “stronger than Prozac.” “I smoked a lot of pot as a teenager, but I was completely mental with or without drugs,” admits Delevingne.
Still battling depression, Delevingne also talks about wanting to be an actress. “I thought that if I wanted to act, I’d need to finish school, but I got so I couldn’t wake up in the morning,” recalls Delevingne, noting, “The worst thing was that I knew I was a lucky girl, and the fact that you would rather be dead… you just feel so guilty for those feelings, and it’s this vicious circle.”
Eventually, Delevingne dropped out of high school, but was soon recruited to be a model by her friend’s father, who was an agency executive. Even though the blonde beauty thrived as a fashion model, Delevingne reveals that she still wasn’t happy. “My agents told me what to do, and I did it. When I got in trouble, they told me off. I was a machine that I wasn’t controlling,” explains Delevingne. To cope, the model turned her attention towards partying. “I had to be doing things with people at all times. The life of the party is an easy part for me to play,” says Delevingne. “It rots your insides, though.”
Delevingne reveals she even considered committing suicide at one point. “It’s like, if anything is good for too long, I prefer to ruin it. I was packing my bags, and suddenly I just wanted to end it,” says Delevingne. “I had a way, and it was right there in front of me.”
The model and now actress says she thankfully didn’t go through with it because a song that was played at her friend’s funeral started to play on her laptop. “It felt like a warning from him. And it made me so furious with myself,” says Delevingne.