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Mag Provides Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt “Sex Life” Silliness

Truth rating: 0

By Daniel Gates


At some point, In Touch stops reading like an actual celebrity news magazine and crosses the line into what looks like parody.

The difference is that parody is self-aware.

In recent months, the tab has written roughly six thousand articles claiming Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are in trouble. A thread running through many of these stories is that Jolie tries to seem happy in public… which is (somehow) “proof” that she’s actually unhappy.

In Touch even used a variation on this idea last week, when it insisted that Jolie only “looked like a devoted partner and loving mother” as a charade to compensate for supposed guilt.

This week, right off the bat, the magazine quotes an “onlooker” who allegedly saw Jolie meet with a friend in London. “She looked stressed out and exhausted,” says the In Touch source.

Without a hint of irony, the tabloid then declares, “And appearances don’t lie.”

Appearances don’t lie?

In Touch previously argued that appearances always lie.

In any case, the newest assault on Brangelina contends that “the root of [the couple’s] problems is their sex life,” which the tab claims has all but disappeared.

As proof of these so-called “intimacy troubles,” In Touch provides… well, nothing.

It lamely points out that having six children in four years “changed the couple’s priorities” (um, we’d hope so), and that they spend a lot of time traveling and tired. “These days,” laments the magazine, “The kids seem to be the only thing Brad and Angelina have in common anymore.”

So a couple with several children has sex less frequently than when they first met?

Wow! In Touch just discovered what every hack stand-up comedian has been joking about for 50 years!

How completely lacking in insight!

Gossip Cop has a feeling it’ll be another 50 years of weekly updates on Jolie and Pitt’s supposed “troubles” before the tabloid gives up what’s become an embarrassing exercise.

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