(In Touch)

Angelina Jolie has been “caught cheating” on Brad Pitt, claims In Touch, which, by Gossip Cop‘s count, has been wrong about the couple 8,037 consecutive times.

But rarely has the tabloid had so much fun being so wrong!

It seems Jolie is a sexual monster with insatiable appetites, and In Touch claims Pitt’s having trouble keeping pace.

“According to a friend of the couple, the once-conservative Brad has had to readjust in many ways in order to accommodate Angelina’s powerful desires,” explains the magazine, “From accompanying her on kinky shopping sprees to indulging in sexual role-playing games.”

Oh my!

Unfortunately for Pitt, says In Touch, Jolie “harbors strong bisexual desires” and “has flings with other women” behind his back.

Double oh my!

The so-called “friend” alleges Jolie has “a string of female lovers that she hooks up with from time to time,” sometimes, apparently, at the Roosevelt Hotel in Los Angeles, where an “insider” claims Jolie sometimes reserves a room for “just a few hours.”

Wow – so who are these women in these alleged trysts?

[crickets]

Hmm. How about snapshots of Hollywood’s most paparazzi-pursued woman allegedly checking into a hotel – repeatedly – alone?

[crickets]

Um, so, what does the tab have to back up its claims that Jolie is regularly cheating on Pitt with other women?

How about four sidebar items, each of them more ridiculous than the last?

One of them screams, “She’s never hidden her attraction to women,” and shows Jolie embracing other women in public… women like Queen Noor of Jordan, whose cheek Jolie is seen kissing back in 2004.

Gossip Cop had no idea the polite peck with Queen Noor of Jordan actually signaled Jolie’s bisexual promiscuity.

Another item features quotes from Jenny Shimizu, a former Jolie lover who “finds it hard to believe that she could ever settle down with just one man.” This would be interesting, except that Shimizu’s supposed involvement with Jolie came during Bill Clinton’s first term as President – fifteen years ago.

Then In Touch goes visual again, with photographs of Jolie in provocative poses over the years. The shots are meant to illustrate how “Angelina was always very sexual from a young age,” but actually just serve to show how In Touch has nothing better to provide than decades-old photos that have nothing to do with Jolie allegedly cheating on Brad Pitt in 2011.

Finally, the magazine asks, “Is she too close to her assistant?”

Sure, Jolie’s assistant Holly Goline is married with a child, acknowledges In Touch. But she’s “more than just an employee,” and shares a “close friendship” with her boss, according to a so-called “insider.”

Sigh.

Seriously?

In Touch has somehow gone from a cover blaring, “Angelina Caught Cheating!” to talking about how she’s friends with her assistant.

It’s pathetic, even by the mag’s low standards.

Check out PHOTOS of Brad leaving a dinner that Courteney Cox was also at!

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