Amy Schumer: I Want To Do “Anal” With Bradley Cooper, Have Drinks With Obama

Truth rating: 10
(Mark Seliger/GQ)

By Shari Weiss


(Mark Seliger/GQ)

(Mark Seliger/GQ)

Amy Schumer is revealing her fantasies about a number of well-known men, including her desire to get between the sheets with Bradley Cooper and knock back drinks with President Obama.

For the new GQ “Men of the Year” edition, which doubles as the magazine’s December issue, Schumer shares her dirty and silly thoughts on guys ranging from Will Smith and Tom Brady to Tracy Morgan and Keith Richards. But it’s for Cooper that she gives her naughtiest and shortest answer. “Anal,” Schumer says.

Schumer also wants to “spoon” with Steph Curry, and at a late-night party with Richards, she says they would “make out but just for a second.” With Brady, she envisions the husband of Gisele Bundchen saying he didn’t invite his supermodel wife to hang out with them “because I wanted to be alone with you.” In Schumer’s fantasy, the hunky football player goes on to tell her, “Yes, she is beautiful and the mother of my children, but you are smart and funny and I’ve been waiting to have sex with someone with a real body, a real ass, who has lots of bad angles depending on the lighting, and I want to be with you and not that supermodel who does yoga on the beach a lot.”

Not all of Schumer’s fantasies, however, have to do with hooking up. She sees herself killing zombies with Smith, and thinks Morgan would make “me laugh until I can’t breathe.” And it’s her pipe dream about the president that may be the most surprising.

“Barack Obama and I are at a restaurant in New Orleans. I am eating alone when the waiter says, ‘Barack sent you this.’ And it’s a glass of Lagavulin 16 year. My favorite scotch. I acknowledge with a nod and finish my meal. Like I’m the coolest bitch ever,” fantasizes Schumer. “We walk out without talking, and go to Preservation Hall and watch a bunch of different amazing jazz musicians. We smoke cigars and drink scotch and never say a word to each other.”

All of the guys Schumer discusses are among the magazine’s 2015 “Men of the Year.” Check out the Brady and Obama covers below, as well as Schumer’s fantasy photo and video chat about more stars.


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